


Damn it, Steve!

by LilyInTheSnow



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky just wants one day to pamper himself, But then the punk has to go and get himself arrested, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grumpy Bucky Barnes, I don't even know how to tag this, M/M, Old Married Couple, Smut, Top Steve Rogers, it's silly, one day without Steve babying him, tiny cameo by Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 09:35:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17660279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyInTheSnow/pseuds/LilyInTheSnow
Summary: Bucky got injured on a mission and he's fixing to snap if Steve doesn't stop babying him.  He just needs a little Bucky time without Steve stuck up his butt so he temporarily throws him out. Steve gets arrested after being told not to and Bucky decides to let him learn his lesson this time. It might be the biggest mistake he's ever made.





	Damn it, Steve!

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't left me alone for like two months now so I finally got it written down. 
> 
> If y'all are also reading Intelligence Nerd I'm working on it and it'll be done soon. Hopefully. :D
> 
> This is beta'd by the super awesome SergeantFreezerburn! <3  
> (any remaining mistakes are my own.)

 

He needed five minutes to himself. Well, really he needed at least two hours. He was entitled. He loved Steve to death, but the amount of mothering his husband was doing made him want to strangle him and the urge was getting harder and harder to resist. At first it had been sweet. When he’d initially gotten home, Steve had been gentle and attentive and kind and made sure he hadn’t wanted for anything. He had run him hot bubble baths and cooked him meals and brought him breakfast in bed and brushed his hair and pampered him and hadn’t let him lift a hand or even a finger to help. And in all honesty? Bucky was surprised Steve had let him brush his own teeth and hold his own dick while he pissed.

It had been kind of fun for the first couple of days, but now? Steve was still doing all of that and it was still kind of sweet, but mostly it was fucking annoying. Steve wouldn’t even let him help during sex. Bucky had practically been a semi-forced pillow princess. Don’t get him wrong, the orgasms were awesome. The slow, sweet, build. The gentle burn of a banked fire. That final flare of heat and pressure that gently rolled over him and left him limp and sweating on the bed and somehow still wrung out like he’d done more than just lay there. But sometimes Bucky just wanted his hair pulled, his ass slapped, and bruises on his hips okay? It wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

But no, you get shot one freakin’ time (three) during a mission and spend a couple days (four) in the hospital even though you were perfectly fine (he wasn’t) and your husband has to go crazy and baby you for eternity (a week). Bucky thought he’d handled it pretty well so far (he hadn’t). 

He’d been a much better patient than Steve ever had been (it was a tie of awfulness). He had taken it easy like he was supposed to, he’d eaten like he was supposed to, and he had sat around on his ass and been bored like he was supposed to. He’d done everything his husband had asked him to with only minor grumbling if only to make him happy. And worst of all he’d allowed Steve to baby him this much, but now he was at his wits end. He couldn’t handle it anymore.

His left hand was clenched so hard he thought he could hear the plates creaking. Or maybe that was the sound of his teeth grinding together. Probably no one would blame him if he did it. They’d call it a crime of passion maybe. Steve drove him so crazy he snapped and accidentally strangled him. Maybe in Texas he could get away with accidentally murdering his spouse. Like that one lady he’d read about that the article said if she’d only run over her husband once she’d have gotten away with it, but she’d backed over him and then ran over him again so they had found her guilty and sent her to jail.

But if he killed Steve he’d never find a dick like that again. Steve’s Dick knew all the right places and moves and it was already trained. Bucky didn’t want to spend another lifetime working a new one in. Besides, he was kind of attached to the guy it was attached to. And yes he was well aware he was thinking of Steve and Steve’s Dick like they were two separate entities. Mostly because they pretty much were. If you’d seen Steve’s Dick you’d think of it as a separate entity too. Damn.

“Baby.”

“I’m fine, Steve!”

“You got shot in the chest three times less than a week ago.”

“It’s been eleven days! I’m all healed up. The docs said so.” The scars were barely even visible anymore.

“Buck.” Steve pouted at him, something that hadn’t worked since 1936, and Bucky glared. “Baby, come on! I coulda lost you.”

“But you didn’t. Steve, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy. I need my space right now.” There was a giant antique cast iron bathtub, his favorite cucumber melon bath set, and some matching candles calling his name. That and a new sugar scrub Sam had gifted him. “Either one of us could lose the other when we get called out, but we still do it. How many times could I have lost you? How many times have I sat by you in the hospital? We haven’t lost each other yet, Steve. We’re fine. Go hang out with Sam for a while. Clint even. I don’t care who you go hang out with, just go.” Bucky tugged him close for a quick kiss then shoved him toward the door. “And don’t get arrested!”

Steve glared at him as he stepped into his sneakers. “That was one time! One time!”

“Steven Grant Rogers you’re lucky Father Donovan isn’t here to hear such lies!” The Father had been long gone way before either he or Steve had been found again.

“Okay, twice! But the second time wasn’t my fault. That guy was harassing that girl and no one else was doin’ anythin’ about it!”

“Four times! Four times, Steve! I’m not picking you up again. You get arrested again I’m leaving you there.”

“Okay, Buck,” he said with a roll of his eyes. Like he knew Bucky wouldn't leave him there. “Are you sure I gotta go?”

“Baby, I love you so much, but if I don’t have the place to myself for at least a couple of hours I’m going to claim temporary insanity when they find your body. If they find it.”

“That bad huh,” Steve asked with a wry grin.

Bucky nodded once with a slight grimace and Steve grabbed his wallet from the side table next to the door, blew him a kiss, then left without grabbing his keys or his phone. Bucky silently counted to ten before the door opened. Steve rushed in, kissed his cheek, grabbed his keys and phone and then rushed back out the door.

Thank fuck. Bucky sighed with relief as he walked over to lock the front door then twisted his hair up into a messy bun as he walked toward his oasis. He and Steve had their shared en suite with their two sinks and extra counter space for all their toiletries and everything, but this…this was Bucky’s little bit of paradise and it was a Bucky Only Zone. Steve wasn’t allowed anywhere near Bucky’s second bathroom. Bucky even went so far as to keep it locked with a biometric lock and Steve only had access in case of emergencies.

He stepped into the room, inhaled the permanent scent of his cucumber melon soaps and candles, and walked over to the giant antique cast iron slipper tub and turned the water on as hot as he could stand it. He added bubble bath and oils to it then walked around the room to light his candles and turn the light off. As soon as the tub was full he stripped out of his pajamas and slid into the water with a hiss as the heat seeped into his skin. Less than a minute later he realized he’d forgotten his super soldier strength wine that Tony and Bruce had concocted for him and climbed out of the tub, dripping water and suds in a trail over to his tiny fridge where he kept his wine. Another minute later and he was once again submerged in his bathtub, neck deep in bubbles while he sipped his glass of wine.

He rested his head against the tub and closed his eyes, enjoying the flickering of the candle light through his eyelids, little bursts of light in the dark. This was exactly what he needed after the past few days of Steve being clingy and not letting him lift a finger to do anything at all. He hadn’t even been able to jerk himself off. Not that he minded getting hand jobs from his husband; he just sometimes liked to take care of things himself. Speaking of. He sat his wine glass on the floor beside the tub and slid his left hand down his stomach, grooved fingers itching to wrap around his dick. He was still soft but a few strokes and he’d be good to go. It didn’t take much anymore. Not since he and Steve had been getting it pretty regular. Pretty much all he had to do was imagine Steve’s lips and he’d be ready.

Just when it started getting good, when he’d found the perfect rhythm that let him keep going for as long as he wanted without getting soft after a while or coming too quickly, he heard his cell ring from his and Steve’s bedroom and lost his concentration. Damn it.

Bucky tried to ignore the sound of his phone vibrating from their bedroom. He really did. He tried to stay relaxed. Tried to concentrate on keeping his breathing slow and his heart rate steady. He tried to float along like therapy had taught him. He did. But his fucking cell phone kept buzzing and his Steve Senses were starting to tingle and he just knew his fucking husband had gotten in trouble.

At least he didn’t have to worry about finding him beat up in an alley anymore. Most of the time. Jail was the most likely scenario. Bucky really hoped Steve wasn’t in jail. He wouldn’t have access to Steve’s Dick if Steve was in jail. Though maybe he could slip the guard some cash to turn his back for a few minutes a couple times a week or something. Ugh. That wouldn’t work. Bucky couldn’t be quiet enough for that and a couple times a week wasn’t anywhere near enough. Not when they usually had sex a couple times a day. Minimum. What? They both had crazy serum enhanced sex drives. Why waste it? ‘sides Bucky figured they had about seventy some odd years of making up to do so why not have sex as much as possible.

His stupid phone eventually stopped buzzing and he closed his eyes with a sigh. He debated getting himself off versus taking a nap; hand still wrapped around his dick and then decided that taking a nap before dealing with whatever bullshit Steve had gotten himself into was the better idea. The water would stay hot forever thanks to a nifty little heater that Steve had asked Stark to build under the antique iron that way Bucky wouldn’t have to empty and refill the tub several times over during one of his pampering himself days. He still did it a couple times anyway when his bubbles went flat, but not nearly as much as he would have otherwise. He stretched with a loud groan in the silent brownstone and then slid a little further down into the tub with his head resting on his nifty pillow stuck to the side of the tub so he wouldn’t accidently slip forward and drown himself or snort the bathwater and bubbles up his nose. He had learned his lesson the third time that had happened and the bathtub pillow had been bought. He wiggled around a moment to get even comfier and sighed.

***

“Barnes! Come on, buddy. Wake up, now. I know it’s your pampering day, but you gotta go get Steve outta jail.”

Nooo. He whimpered at the sound of Clint’s voice from outside his oasis. Damn it, Steve. What the hell had the punk done now? Why couldn’t he leave shit alone? Steve was the epitome of every post he’d ever seen about Steve on Tumblr that brought up his recklessness. From Tiny Steve going big instead of going home while Bucky was begging him to go home to him getting arrested for protesting. Damn it. Bucky opened his eyes with another whimper then pulled the plug on his bathwater with his toes and climbed out of the tub. He pulled on his fluffy pink robe and slowly blew out all of the candles one by one until he reached the door to open it.

Barton didn’t even blink at his appearance. Everyone had already seen him this way more than a few times. “What did he do?”

“All I know is he was chasing some dick that stole an old lady’s purse and the dumbass, Steve not the purse thief, cut across the street and got hit by a truck. He got knocked out and his arm broken but he woke up before they got to the hospital and they treated him and cops already took him to jail.”

“Jail?”

“Well, he might’ve punched some guy at the bar we were at. S’why we were walking down the sidewalk. Dude got ‘em on assault charges even though Steve stopped him because he was harassing some kids.”

Of fucking course that’s what had happened. He should’ve known not to turn him loose like that. “Steve’s okay though?” If Steve was fine he didn’t have to rush after him. Not this time. Steve was supposed to be staying out of Bucky’s hair and not getting in trouble.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Except his arm’s broken pretty bad.”

“It’ll be healed in a few days.” Maybe leaving Steve in jail for however long was a dick move, but so was Steve getting hit by a truck and put in jail to begin with. Maybe he should let Steve learn his lesson.

“Um…yeah…what’s that smile for? Why aren’t you rushing around to rescue your hubby?”

“Because my hubby is an asshat. I think he can stay in jail for a couple days. It’s Friday right?”

“Yeah…”

“Judge won’t be in until Monday morning.” Bucky grinned deviously. “He can sit there and think about what he’s done.”

***

What Bucky didn’t remember while being petty because his bath had been disturbed was that Steve being in jail meant Steve’s Dick was in jail too. Two horrible hours later he’d changed his mind, but by then it was too late and his hands and vibrator could only do so much. He couldn’t drag himself to a sex shop because he was too busy being horny and pitiful and no one was gonna do same day delivery on sex toys. He and Steve had very few because generally he and Steve had each other. They both new each other’s bodies better than they knew their own. Steve knew all his best spots he couldn’t reach on his own and he knew Steve’s. 

They’d been together in one way or since 1926 and married since 1934 when Steve turned sixteen and used his tiny body and embarrassingly large cock to pound Bucky into the mattress. Not legally married of course but that hadn’t mattered. They had been each other’s spouses ever since. Their marriage in 2016 hadn’t been big and flashy though that’s what they’d wanted when they’d been teenagers. Instead they’d kept it a small private affair with only the rest of the Avengers in attendance and a Justice of the Peace performed the ceremony where they’d written their own vows. Tony had hired a photographer and after getting the memory card with the photos on it had fried everything electronic on the kid with a tiny, area specific, EMP and then bought him all new everything. Just in case. That kid had signed half a dozen contracts but Tony was nothing if not thorough.

So, yeah, while he and Steve did have seventy some odd years to make up for, they had definitely spent a lot of the past few years working toward that goal. And now Bucky was horny and edging on desperate and equally irritated with himself and his husband. He shoulda just given in and gone to get Steve.

***

Bucky groaned when he pulled up to the station where they’d been holding Steve’s Dick all weekend. He might’ve been able to bribe his way into Steve’s cell, but he hadn’t even tried. He had been torn between righteous indignation and mourning the loss of at least six potentially perfect orgasms and had pretty much stayed in bed with his emotions flinging themselves back and forth between the two. He might’ve even fluctuated between all five stages of grief. (A few times.) He shifted in his seat, slouching a bit so he could adjust his junk so he could hopefully hide the erection he’d been walking around with since he woke up.

He climbed out of the car with a wince when his jeans scraped over his dick and lamented the fact that he’d gone commando because he’d been in too much of a hurry to leave the brownstone after he’d gotten the call letting him know that he could pick up Steve. Probably it served him right, but whatever. He was horny and irritated and wanted to get his husband so he could fuck himself on Steve’s Dick as soon as they got home.

When he walked into the station he didn’t even need to ask where to go. His stupidly perfect husband was sat on a group of chairs next to a handcuffed teenager that looked like they’d gotten the most dressing down of dressing downs and was well on their way to confessing every little thing they’d ever done or had thought of doing. No one could resist confessing their sins when Steve gave them the Captain America is disappointed in you look. Except Bucky. Nobody else knew that that particular look was one hundred percent Steve Rogers and Bucky had been immune to it for most of their lives. The only difference was, was that it actually worked now and didn’t just get Steve’s head knocked off his shoulders and sent home banged up and dripping blood from various wounds.

Bucky walked up to them and the kid finally tore their gaze away from Steve only to gulp and cringe against Steve when they realized the Winter Soldier was standing over them. Steve glared up at him, probably for scaring the kid, then patted them on their shoulder and murmured reassurances, never once letting his glare slip. Even if it wasn’t nearly as affective because of his black eye and scrapes and the butterfly bandage on his forehead. That combined with a broken arm in a cast didn’t make Steve look very threatening.

“Let’s go, champ.”

“Stop scaring the kid, Buck!”

“Looks like the kid needs a little fear in their life, don’t it?” Bucky sneered as he said it and he knew he was being unfair to the kid, but he had his own problems to deal with. Besides, if striking the fear of God into them helped them straighten out their life then it was worth the glares he got from his husband. He had neither the time nor the inclination to coddle them into good behavior.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

“I ain’t gonna hurt you, kid. Unless you don’t straighten your life out. There’s too many punk ass kids on this planet that need straightened out. A lot of it is circumstance that’s landed them where they are, and I don’t know about your home life or anything else, but you can’t let shit like that dictate how you wind up. Don’t let that shit ruin your life before you even got one. Got it?”

The kid nodded so quickly and repetitively that Bucky was half afraid their head was going to fly off their shoulders. “Yes, sir.” They looked like a possessed bobble head doll.

“Good.”

He turned away from them, refusing to look back at Steve in case he saw something like pride or some other sappy emotion on his husband’s face, and went to the window where an officer sat at a desk.

“Hi, James Barnes-Rogers here to pick up that one.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder in Steve’s general direction. “Again.”

“I already got your papers out.” Bucky nodded with a small smile and reached for the pen that was chained to the small shelf on his side of the bulletproof glass.

Once he had the paperwork filled out and had Steve sign it he handed it back to the officer with another smile. This one, the one he used to use to con ladies into dates with him and Steve back when they’d had a real chance of getting put in jail or worse for how they loved each other. Some might have said it was smarmy. (He’d been told it was very charming.) “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure,” she gave him a small dazed smile in return.

“What’d the kid get picked up for?”

***

Bucky climbed into the driver’s seat and yanked the door closed a little bit harder than he’d meant to. He was avoiding the dopey proud smile his stupid husband had been aiming at him since they’d stepped out of the station. “Shut it.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking it.”

“I can’t be proud of you for getting the charges dropped for that kid?”

“No,” he grunted as he started the car. Steve laughed quietly and only stopped when Bucky pegged him with a glare.

“What was the one rule you hadta follow when you left the house?”

“Don’t get arrested.”

“And what did you do?”

“He-”

Bucky held up a hand to shut him up. “What did you do?”

“Got arrested.” Steve mumbled this time and turned to look out the windshield.

“Exactly. And then I had to leave you there and let you learn your lesson.”

“Didn’t hafta.”

“What?”

“I said you didn’t have to leave me there! Three days Bucky!”

“Well, you didn’t have to get arrested either so there you go!” He growled as he backed the car out of its parking space and left the lot.

A block later he was whimpering and trying to fight Steve off of him long enough to get them home. Steve kept pawing at him, nibbling his ear, and trying to get his hand in his pants. Thank God for tinted windows. 

He may or may not have broken a few traffic laws on the way back to the brownstone.

***

“I don’t want one more word from you,” Bucky growled as he pushed a third finger inside himself. Usually he’d go for four but he was pissed, horny as fuck, and in a hurry. Steve reached for him and he slapped his hand away with a short groan. “No. Don’t touch.”

“Buck,”

“No! You’re in trouble so lay there and let me ride your dick.” He slapped Steve’s hand away again, slid his fingers out of his ass, grabbed his husband’s dick and sank down onto it with a loud moan at the stretch and burn he loved so much. Steve’s good hand reached for his hip and he growled, leaning forward and down to bite his neck.  _ Hard. _ Steve yelped, his hips punched up, and Bucky squeezed tight with his thighs to hold on with a yelp of his own. “Do you know how long it’s been?”

“Three days,” Steve groaned when Bucky clenched around him as he rolled his hips.

“That’s at least six times I had to miss out on your dick, Steve.” Bucky lifted himself almost all the way off of Steve’s cock and shifted his hips so his prostate got slammed into on the way back down. He may have missed his husband’s dick, but he wasn’t going to savor it. Not this fucking time. He was owed a decent orgasm. The toys he had could only do so much and that vibrating prostate massager he’d seen in the shop last time he’d been in there was looking better and better.

Maybe he’d buy it and name it New Steve. Make his stupid husband watch while he used it and not get to touch him or himself at all while he did. He’d have Steve tied down while he went to town with New Steve and when he moaned New Steve’s name when he came Old Steve would get jealous but he would just have to live with it because Bucky would have a Steve that didn’t get into stupid fights or get arrested or get sent to the hospital because his dumbass was chasing after someone and got hit by a truck and nearly splattered on the pavement because he hadn’t been looking where he was going. Steve was fuckin’ lucky his damn head was so hard or he’d have gotten worse than a shattered arm and knocked unconscious. Bucky and New Steve would live happily ever after while Old Steve had to watch from the sidelines of orgasm denial. Hell at this point he’d be watching from the celibacy side of things.

“I feel like you have issues that have nothing to do with me being arrested and you’re taking those issues out on me right now. And who the fuck is New Steve?”

“Shut it. New Steve and I will be very-guh-very happy together.” Bucky yelped again when Steve punched his hips up but rode him back down just like he had last time. God he’d missed this. He fisted his cock, thrusting into his hand as he bounced on Old Steve’s dick, and whimpered as he worked himself over.

“Buck.”

“Shh.”

“Sugar.”

Bucky was moments away from coming all over his husband and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he wasn’t going to last very long. Neither of them would right now. Not with how high strung they both were.

“Steve. Do that-hng-do that thing.”

“Thought you said no touching?”

“Oh my God, you asshole!”

“I don’t make the rules.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ just shut up already. Don’t need you to do it anyways.” Even though it felt way better when Steve did it Bucky stilled only to reach behind himself and slid two fingers in alongside Steve’s cock, one on either side. They both hissed, him at the extra stretch and fullness and Steve at the pressure and tightness. He shifted his stance, rising higher on his knees and Steve fucked up into him as hard and fast as he could. Bucky could barely breathe, all air leaving him with every thrust in.

He cried out as he came from one particularly brutal thrust, Steve nailing his prostate dead on, and watched as his come splattered over Steve’s abs, chest, and even a tiny drop landing on his chin. It was a good look on him. He slid his fingers out then draped himself over his husband, not caring about the sticky mess between them at the moment. Not when Steve was still fucking him as much as he was able with Bucky laying on him like he was. He licked over Steve’s nipple then bit down sharply; smiling at Steve’s pained gasp and the feel of his husband shooting off inside him.

“You done being pissy with me,” Steve asked after they’d had time to catch their breath.

“Sorta.”

“What do I gotta do to get you to forgive me?”

Bucky pretended to think about it with a quiet hum, delicately licking and nibbling on whatever part of Steve his mouth could reach without him having to move. “Five.”

“Five?”

“More orgasms.”

Steve huffed out a laugh as he shook his head. “I fucking love you.”

“I love you too,” Bucky said with a grin. “Maybe I don’t need New Steve quite yet.”

“Who the fuck is New Steve?”

“The new prostate massager I’m going to buy. For next time you get arrested.”

Steve growled and rolled them over, biting at Bucky’s neck while he laughed. “Five more, huh?” 

Bucky nodded and his giggles turned into sharp gasps as Steve started working his way toward forgiveness.


End file.
